An old posting from last new years eve.
What an odd year. First of all, I cannot absorb that it has been a decade since the beginning of the new millenium. A full 10 years since all of this started: Y2K, then 911, George W. Bush (has come and gone) and we came so far as to elect a black President, not because he was black (or biracial) but because he was and is truly (at least the best man) for the job. We are now well into the next century. and I finally understand that “yes”, time does fly.
So much has happened. So much has changed. I lost a very dear friend, suddenly and tragically, and with him, what seems like one of my real anchor to this life. I have witnessed Karma in action (and, even to the best and the brightest, it can be a bitch). It also plays the part of Justice, when the legal system seems too slow in doing its job. This was a year when Giants have fallen; and fallen hard. Despite what sometimes reaches a true lust for vengeance, this year, there was actually no real need to push. My job was only to get out of the way. Like I said, Karma can be a bitch.
But to those friends who suffered as bad things happened to them, I was, for the most part, helpless to do anything to intervene. That helplessness, while in view of their suffering, left me very, very sad. It has taken me back to a place in time which almost seemed surreal. It was a time that it seemed as if I was walking with one foot in this world and the other, reaching onward into the next great adventure. It reminds me of the first few months after I woke up from my coma: part of me wanted to just close my eyes and slip back into what felt like such an easy and loving place; part of me just wanted to go “home.”
But to let go was never really a viable choice. Children, friends, family; all people who would be terribly hurt if I just refused to try. So, throughout those tough times (mine or others) I have been forced to just hang in there and wait patiently for the darkness to pass.
As my dear friend “george” has always said, don’t worry, sunshine follows rain, every time. And it does. I also now believe that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. However, I also believe that our happiness is all in our perspective toward “life.” For you see, the truth about sunshine and rain is that both are needed in reasonable amounts; but too much of either can blister our bodies (as well as our souls) or leave us drowning in sorrow.
So, as I leave this year behind, I take with me a new found desire for perspective, balance and joy. Maybe I am now old enough and wise enough to finally (and earnestly) search for that which will bring me peace. Then again, maybe it is right before my eyes and all I need to do is look.